Self Sabotage - I ain’t got time for dat!
Ever wonder WHY you sabotage your own goals, intentions and dreams? Understand your cycle and then ask yourself some deeper questions…ultimately what am I needing?
I've been having a couple conversations recently, to some of our Amanda Kate ladies about falling off the rails or self sabotaging. Where they would be on a really good run, (whether it's looking after their health, saving money, studying, whatever it is they are working towards) and they're creating these really good routines, and really good habits BUT something will happen and everything turns to shi*t. All of the routine and habits go out the window and they feel like they have to start all over again, they just can’t seem to get it together.
(In terms of self sabotaging they're doing something that is counter productive to achieving their goals)
Ever screamed the words “ why do I keep doing this?" “why cant I just get it right?” … I’ve been there. Its so frustrating!
If you constantly get in your own way when it comes to reaching a goal, finishing a project or following through with an intention, it’s a good idea to take some to reflect and understand why this is happening.
Say, for example, your goal is to lose weight. You're making conscious decisions about the quality of your food and how you move your body, yet there is this habit that you have. Every time something props up, whether it's an event, or something that triggers you like stress or overwhelm you allow it to “de-rail you”, you overindulge or you binge or you skip your workout.
When we start doing things that are no congruent with what we're trying to achieve, it's common that we are either
2) Confused or
We may be fearful of the unknown, we may fear the end result because we haven’t experienced it before, the thing you want to achieve may feel too uncomfortable or we may be fearful of failure, so if we don’t try, we can’t fail right? We may be confused about how to get there, what needs to be done, what the journey is going to look like. It might be deprivation of food and movement or even more so, we may feel deprived of love, nurturing or connection.
Usually when we self sabotage, we're actually blanketing an emotional trigger and trying to supress a truth. Instead of thinking about what you're doing to self sabotage, think about why and what is it that you're feeling. Fearful, confused or deprived?
Before you blame self sabotage, "Oh, this always happens, I never reach my goal because I always self sabotage. Its just what I do" It is actually a process, it is a strategy that you're using, your brain is using, to actually seek the path of least resistance.
For example, if you're working towards a goal that you've never achieved before, for example you were 85 kilos, you've never been 70 kilos in your life but that is the goal that you're aiming for. It's very realistic for you and you're not far off, But your body, and your brain, has never experienced that before.
What happens is we perceive the journey to be “too hard, unattainable, too uncomfortable” so we stay with what we know. We don’t push that little harder in the gym, we make excuses for ourselves etc This is the critical part of the brain that kicks in and starts to say, "Well, you don't need to do all this hard work. You're fine just as the way you are. What do you need to train hard for? What do you need to eat well and look after yourself for? You're fine just as you are. There's no stress." That left side of our brain, that critical side of our brain takes over whenever our current NORM is challenged.
Journal on it …
Get to know yourself better, if you are not liking a particular behaviour, understand why you are behaving this way. Get to the bottom of it. Only then, can you change it.
A great awareness tool, journal on this and ask yourself some deeper questions.
Why am I doing this?
What am I looking for?
Am I feeling deprived of anything physically, mentally or emotionally?
What is the emotion that I'm holding onto right now?
Am I fearful of an outcome?
Am I fearful of a particular result? Or am I fearful of success?
Or am I confused? Do I need clarity and do I need to get more information? Am I feeling frustrated in some way?"
What am I seeking?
What do I need?
What do I believe?
You can then, because you've got the awareness of what you're needing instead, make a different decision and take a different action.
I would love to know if self sabotage is something that you suffer with a lot. If it's a cycle that you have on repeat. If so, I'd love you to comment in the comments and just let me know if this is something that you are still dealing with. If so, then there's some deep stuff that you may need to work on letting go of. A lot of the time these cycles keep repeating themselves because it's locked on to a past experience or a deeper belief that you have about yourself.